The midwife surrenders to Breastfeeding

Let me start by saying this was one of the hardest decisions I had to make as a new mom.  

I wanted to breastfeed, but it was not in the cards for us.

It started after my difficult delivery, my milk was late to come in because of all the blood I had lost and I could barely sit up to nurse Collin.  The lactation consultant saw us in the hospital and helped with a nipple shield which was slowly starting to work.  Collin was a lazy eater so thankfully, I rented an industrial pump from the hospital and besides trying to breastfeed, I was also pumping.   I had multiple appointments with the lactation consultants who stated I was doing everything right from stimulating him, to help keeping him awake, etc.   Collin was slowly starting to get interested in breastfeeding when I got readmitted into the hospital.  

This is when Joe and I went into survival mode-
I pumped and my parents brought the breast milk home for Joe.
With my parents helping us the pacifier also came into play since i could not sooth with nursing- especially his wubbanub which we now refer to as nubba.

So when I got home from the hospital, I took it easy for a day because the blood pressure medication made me feel a little weak and the fact that the magnesium was slowly getting out of my system.
So last week I spent Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday trying to get Collin back on the breast.  This turned into screaming matches- not my idea of fun, especially since Collin really does not scream.  He cries when he is hungry and that is about it.
But I tried for days all the tricks that lactation consults had told me with no success.
Three to four days of bottle feeding exclusively had turned him and there was no going back.
He was a lazy eater before and an even more lazy now.  
Tuesday afternoon I will admit that I lost it.  

I called Joe at work in tears after trying for an hour and not even getting him to latch once!  

This is when I made the decision that while I want to breastfeed to promote bonding- Collin and I could have our bonding in other ways because as of Wednesday I was going to be pumping and giving Collin breast milk in bottle form.
Fortunately, my milk has now come in and is plenty.  

This was a hard decision but the right one for me.  

I was dealt these cards, and does it stink- yes- but he is still getting breast milk and I am more sane for making this decision as it was stressing me out to no end-
which Collin probably could sense.  

Besides as my midwife friend reminds me....
"Pumping is breastfeeding!"
Thanks Jen for being the voice of reason.

So here is to my little "milk man" who is already drinking 30 ounces a day and growing like crazy!