Right now it is 7:40pm.
I should be getting ready to pump so I can get to bed before a long day at work tomorrow.
But tonight- there is no pump.
After a difficult week with the "lady friends" and pumping-
I AM DONE.
It started last Monday.
Collin woke me up crying at 0700 am, within two minutes of standing up I felt faint like I was going to pass out. I could barely make it down stairs to heat his bottle up.
I went back up stairs and let him hold his own bottle while I laid with him on the floor-
Not one of my best moments.
It was apparent to me that I could not even pick him up and my coloring was white as a piece of paper. So I called Joe and told him that he had to come home from work.
Joe came home and I got back into bed and woke feeling a little better but with this pain in my left breast. I had a clogged duct!
I sent Joe back to work and I managed to take care of Collin for the rest of the day-
Thank God he was an easy baby that day!
He just keep bringing me books to read him.
I did everything I could to help to clear the duct- massage, heat, showers, extra pumping (at this point I was only pumping twice a day) but Wednesday morning I felt worse and now had a big red mass on my breast- Mastitis!!
I called my midwife and she prescribed an antibiotic which I started taking and continued to do all the listed above. By Saturday I was starting to feel better and my breast was cleared up.
Then Sunday I just felt like I had the chills all day- just thought I was over tired from work and Collin. But today rolled around and again the same thing happened- this time it was my other breast- a clogged duct again. I cried! It was so painful- imagine someone taking a knife and stabbing you in the boob- that is what it feels like.
I quickly texted my midwife friend and lactation consultant friend-
they both said the same thing.
I just need to be done- My body is done!
I agree- I am mentally there!
Collin is 10 1/2 months and I still have enough breastmilk stored to get him to 1 year which was my end all goal.
So tonight I placed my pump in the closet to put away with the other baby stuff and while I did I had a minute of sadness not because I am sad to not be pumping anymore but because this meant that Collin was indeed becoming my little man!
Pumping has been a journey for me-
A hard one.
One that I have faced some criticism along the way - "Well why don't you just breastfeed!"
I hated these comments....
But I just had to remind myself that pumping was breastfeeding.
I pumped for 10 1/2 months and for this I am proud of myself
and as we were having dinner tonight and I started to get a little teary eyed with my husband as I felt guilty about not making it to a year (even though I have enough milk)-
He told me he was proud of me too and that Collin thanks me every day!
Totally worth 10 1/2 months.
But now the question is what do I do with all that time I spend pumping....
Tonight it will be sleep!!
You may be asking- isn't not expressing your milk going to hurt more.
The answer is yes for 1-4 days.
I am doing things to help-
1)Wearing two sports bras around the clock.
2) No stimulation which means no showers- I am bathing right now until my milk dries up.
3) Motrin and Tylenol- Alternating.
4) Continuing my antibiotics.
5) Ice
I have been asked if we have another child what I will do next time,
and the truth is
- I do not know if there will be another child &
-I do not know what I will do next time!
So goodbye pump...
Nighty Nighy!
